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Building Blocks of Resilience

Wow – there is a lot going on in the world right now! There’s hardly a day that goes by that I’m not struck by the evidence that we need a healthy amount of Resilience – just to move through our day! 

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The American Psychological Association (APA) defines Resilience as the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility. In short, Resilience is our ability to effectively adjust and recover. Sustain one of life’s blows, pick ourselves back up, and figure out how to move forward. 

While the skillset of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) equips us in many different ways, I’m noticing a subset of those skills are particularly useful in ensuring our Resilience is healthy and intact. From the Bar-On model of EQ-i these skills are:

  • Self-Regard: Knowing who we are, being comfortable and confident in our own skin, acknowledging areas where we excel and those where we need help. 
  • Balance of Reality Testing & Optimism: Practicing seeing hope and possibilities, while routinely testing our viewpoints with data and the perspectives of others (through reading and curious conversation). 
  • Interpersonal Relationships: Engaging in regular interactions with other people; fostering sense of belonging, connection, and common understanding. 
  • Impulse Control: Practicing thoughtful restraint to support decision-making that considers short and long-term needs (present & future); Patience.

Resilience is comprised of both mindset and behavior. How do we increase it? Practice taking on a mindset conducive to resilience, and Practice behaviors and actions which contribute to resilience. That’s it – Practice! Yes, we may come to the table with some “natural leanings” which help us in some ways more than others. Our Impulse Control might be a well-honed skill, while our optimism isn’t as strong. Ultimately, we want roughly equal amounts of these in our approach to challenge. We want to feel confident in what the behaviors are and have the experience of seeing ourselves demonstrate them. The only way to get there is to Practice, so…Just Do It! 

The great news is that we have many opportunities to build our Resilience almost every day. Here are four steps you can take today to strengthen your Resilience:

Step 1 – Think about an area of your life where you’re experiencing uncertainty. Ask yourself these questions: 

  • What skills/traits will equip me to succeed?
  • Where might I need to support? (Self-Regard)

Step 2 – Build in 30minutes of intentional Interpersonal Resource time each week. (Interpersonal Relationships)

  • Who do you lean on to help you gain clarity and think through problems or decisions? 
  • Whose counsel do you seek when you’re feeling uncertain? (Tip: if it’s your partner, consider finding a trusted professional colleague – inside or outside your organization – with whom you can exchange thoughts/perspectives.)

Step 3 – Think of a current challenge you’re facing. Ask yourself two questions: 

  • To what extent is my understanding of this situation based in truth/fact? How are my beliefs influencing my view? (Reality Testing)
  • What would my ideal outcome look like? (Optimism) 

Step 4 – When facing evidence that prompts you to want to respond emotionally or even act on something, pause for three deep breaths, asking yourself: What % of the complete picture do I know right now? Does this support my chosen response? (Impulse Control)

Freely share your observations and learnings! After all, the more we practice balance, the more we learn about ourselves, our teams, and how to navigate the day-to-day challenges of our current world as a healthy, resourceful human!